醫聲論壇

So let's move to the Rathaus (市政廳, 說明1) tower now. We see to the left some of the most weird and remarkable art scenes of mundane Cologne.

Right at the front of the big Rathaus tower hang this two stone figures. To the right we see the pious (虔敬的) looking statue of the cardinal archbishop (樞機大主教) Konrad von Hochstaden. He was in fact the cardinal (樞機主教) who started to build the Dome. This oversized and very expensive building project made him become one of the least liked citizens. And look, there's his friend with him! No, it's not the man to the right. But it's this hobbit (哈比人) right underneath.

And can you see what this hobbit is doing? Cologne people used to regard this man as a Kallendresser(便便的人, 說明2). In Kölsch dialect (科隆方言), this is a man who takes a fast dump into the street gutter instead of visiting the next bog (便坑, 廁所). But really, what we see here is not his doo-doo. But it's his prick(刺, 陰莖)! And there's his face at the other end of it! It's a scene that's as fantastic as all those hobbit movies from down under.

The technical term for this is autofellatio (男性自我口交). Probably only the most artistic and well-trained specialists can do it with their own mouths. So what does this rare scene tell us?

Old-time Cologne people are wont to (慣於) regard the city from a strictly Roman-Catholic point of view. The senior tourist guide Günter Leitner explained how he thinks this statue should be seen:

The original sculpture was made around the year 1410. Thence only few people could read or write. Therefore they were shown in such a drastic (激烈的, 生動的) way those things that were forbidden to them, the things they should not do, under no possible circumstances. This is a scene of vice (惡), that of self-stimulation (自慰).

So from this pious (虔敬的) point of view, such statues are not at all obscene (猥褻), because they make sense as abhorrent teachings (反面教材) of the Christian lore(教義). It was indeed typical for the Christian Middle Ages to lustfully (情色地) depict (描繪) and describe exemplary (示範) scenes of vice. Some churches would teach that those who committed the seven mortal sins would be necessarily thrust into hell after their deaths. Such a mortal sin would for instance be sexual lust, also called lechery (縱慾). So this would mean that more or less everyone would end up in hell in afterlife, according to this odd Christian commandment (戒律).

Not a few Catholic priests but chose to abstain from sex all their lives. Vatican stories say that the pope John Paul II regularly smacked (拍擊) himself with his belt to avoid sexual lust. So must we expect that the painful Pole sits up there in heaven now, to drink of George Clooney's coffee? There are but other tricky rules who might prevent this. Let's read the biblical Book of Revelation And no defilers (蠍子) nor liars shall enter heaven.

So this must mean that no Christian priest ever will enter heaven after his death, since these guys are all liars, because their religion is obviously, laughably untrue. Well, that much of the Bible is surely true to the word. Because when men die it's of course over with them, they won't resurrect as zombies. No man has ever entered into heaven except Neil Armstrong and the skyfarers (太空人). The fact is also that not a few Roman Catholic clerics (神職人員) secretly have sex and wives and children too. In Germany it's an unwritten law that the church even pays child subsidies (補貼) for the first three of such “church children”. But we must strongly suspect that homosexual artists did commit this scene of a crazy sex stunt (特技). At least this is humorous, from a rational point of view, so it isn't as obnoxious (可厭的) as it may appear to many. From the point of view of UTR, we may even read this as a functional recommendation: Have safer sex! This obscene hobbit scene may also magically serve to protect the facade of the Rathaus, just like similar weird scenes traditionally adorn (裝飾) church buildings. But definitely this is also a message to the cardinal right above. Statistics don't lie who say that a large number of Roman Catholic clerics has homosexual tendencies. But bad is that there are many and intolerable stories of gay child abuse by such clerics. So this i